Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize