i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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