Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
