my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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