just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I understand Curling. That high.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
