I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize