She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
