She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
