i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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