My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
