remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
