I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
