you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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