Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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