Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
