note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize