we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
