People in love make me want to vomit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
