i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
