I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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