Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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