So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
