At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
