so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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