Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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