return my video game
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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