So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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