Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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