Tell her she can't have a vagina
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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