I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am one with the molecules
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
