Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
