I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
