I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
