if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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