I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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