I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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