You just made me feel so damn special
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
