i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
