I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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