I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
