i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
