I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
