My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
