sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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