He felt like a one man threesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
