new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
