when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
