Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
