tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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