Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
