This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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