you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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