i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
NoShamevember. You game?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
