Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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