watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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