The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
