I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
