he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
