I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Randomize
