I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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