How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
