At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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