i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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