is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
