First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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