My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
